One of the biggest lies we can tell ourselves is, “I can’t do this.” Even though I consider myself to be a very positive, optomistic person, I still fall into this trap sometimes. The work we do in schools is so important, and often very challenging. Everyday we are faced with a myriad of decisions and difficulties. The self talk that we engage in at these times is usually key to the outcome we experience.
It’s very easy to fall into a trap of focusing on the difficulty of each task, and the overwhelming scale of the entire job. The error in doing this is that when we are focusing on the problem we take the focus of our ability to deal with the problem. I know it’s very unlikely that I will encounter a situation that I haven’t handled in one way or another in the past. If I’ve dealt with it before, there’s no reason I can’t deal with it now.
The inner voice needs to say, “I CAN do this!” And, I know I can do it now, because I’ve done it before. The negative self-talk is just a trap.
Time to be open and honest. We talk about mental health a lot, and the openness to the conversation is getting better. Slowly it is getting better. I’m going to share some of my own struggles.
If you are not familiar with Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator it divides people into 16 personality types. Two to five percent of people fall into the category of ENFJ. I am one of those. These people are warm, outgoing, loyal and sensitive.
- Prefer harmony to discord
- Outgoing and Warm Hearted
- Genuinely interested in the feelings of others
- Often have a diverse range of friends and acquaintances
- Great at supporting and encouraging others
- Excellent Organizers
- Seek approval from other people
ENFJ people also derive personal satisfaction from helping others. They are givers.
I am a giver. I LOVE helping other people. I like making life easier for other people by removing barriers to their success and clearing the path for them. I like to help them to find ways to explore and develop their passion. I like going out of my way to help other people. It makes me happy.
But there’s a problem. People who are continually giving, can run out of ‘give’. When you can’t give the things that you normally would, it becomes an inward struggle. However, the lack of ability to share these things doesn’t manifest the way you would intuitively think. They aren’t outward manifestations, they are inward. Not being able to care doesn’t become apathy, it manifests as sadness/depression. When you are not able to love, it feels like emptiness. The inability to be generous with time or resources isn’t displayed outwardly as stinginess, it is an inward feeling of desperation.
You do your best to outwardly display who you normally are, but inwardly you are struggling to find the resources to be that person.
I have had this happen a few times in my life, and generally the bouts have been very short term. Within a few days, the well is replenished. The past few months have been tougher than that. I’ve had more of those days. So what to do?
You keep going, you keep giving in whatever capacity you can. But you also take time. You have to replenish the resources, but you have to realize that there aren’t as many resources to give. You do the best you can with what you have. But there’s one more very important thing you have to do.
Talk! Let at least a few people know that you are struggling. Be honest about your inability to give as much as you normally give. Let the emotions live. It’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to feel empty; it’s not okay to have these feelings and never speak of them. That will only make things worse.
The well can’t refill itself immediately. It takes time. I know that I will have more time in July. I can make it until then by finding time and activities that will help refill the tank; the gym, time with friends and loved ones, time with myself, taking photos, going for walks, allowing others to take up a bit of the slack when I can’t (I have many amazing colleagues who are so capable), and talking about it.
Yes, the well is pretty much empty. I admit it.
It’s taken me a few weeks to get this post written. I’ve been rolling it around in my head for a while.
People who know me know that I love photography. I have my own photography business (that doesn’t make a lot of money), but I love capturing moments in time. In the fall, I did a family photo session for my former vice principal, Kerri.
I photographed the family in their beautiful backyard with different family configurations, and fortunately, the photos turned out quite well.
About a month ago, one of Kerri’s stepdaughters passed away. I had to attend the funeral to support Kerri and her family during this difficult time. When I arrived at the location of the funeral, Kerri greeted me and immediately took me to a large photo of her three stepdaughters. It was a photo I had taken in the fall, and I was immediately struck by the impact that photo was having on the ceremony and the power it had in communicating the beauty of the family and specifically Nicole. It was an emotional experience for me.
I have spoken before about our obligation as educators to help others find their passion. Each student has to have opportunity to discover that one thing that they love to do, and be allowed to pursue it. That fact was really hit home to me during this time, and I was so humbled to know that something I did made even a small difference in the lives of others.
Schools need to be responsive to the needs of their students and community. That involves getting to know each student and giving every one of them opportunities to grow and play and discover. Schools need to be rich environments of learning and questioning and finding answers that lead to more questions. Only in places like that can we be certain that we are doing everything we can to ensure that students will be best placed to make those discoveries for themselves.
And as a side point, let’s not forget the importance of being cognizant of the importance of mental health in our day-to-day lives; both in school and in our daily endeavours. We need to do our best to make real connections and do our best to support those who are dealing with mental health issues. Mental health is being discussed now. Let’s keep the conversation going and do everything we can to keep the awareness front and centre.
In education, we are really good at setting goals. We want our students to acheive a certain standard; we have professional goals; we have division goals; we have provincial goals; we have learning outcomes that we want to accomplish. We are all about planning ahead and making sure things get covered. It is very easy to keep an eye on these short and long term goals, as we are reminded of them all the time.
This weekend I came across a quote that really got me thinking. Eckhart Tolle is quoted as saying:
“Most humans are never fully present in the now, because unconsciously the believe that the next moment must be more important than this one. But then you miss your whole life, which is never not now.”
This quote isn’t talking about education but it made me think about much of what we do and don’t do in our classrooms. It certainly wouldn’t hurt us to include a goal about celebrating the moment we are living and learning in right now. Maybe one of our goals for ourself and our students needs to be to enjoy and appreciate exactly what we are doing right now. I know all our teachers strive to make learning enjoyable and fun; but are our students appreciating the moment we are in? Are our teachers?
Education has changed a lot over the last few decades. I appreciate the approach we use so much. We are child centred for the most part. We concentrate on individualizing learning. We recognize the importance of trauma and mental health and how the brain works. But do we take time to slow down and teach the importance of contentment and enjoyment in the now?
Data doesn’t tell us what to do, it informs us about what is.
(Came up with this statement after reading this short article – http://linkis.com/org/GFGoS )
In Alberta parents, teachers and students are surveyed annually to determining their thoughts on various aspects of the school, division and overall educational system. These survey results are made available in the spring for the schools to analyze and determine action that needs to be taken.
In our school, only grade 4 parents are surveyed and the number who respond can vary, but generally not many respond. It would be easy to say that because of the low numbers of respondents, that the information is not valid. All it takes, in a small group is for a couple of people with an axe to grind, to skew the results in a negative direction.
This year, we had generally good results. There was one area that came out quite a bit lower than last year. On the report is shows up as ‘declined significantly’. There were other areas that the numbers went down somewhat as well. So, do we blame this on a few disgruntled people?
It would be very easy to do so. However, the data is still data – skewed or not. We haven’t been doing a good job of communicating some things to parents, or in responding to the concerns they have. Even if it is a few people, it needs to be on our radar. We are accountable to all the parents; so that means we have things to think about.
We value communication and involving parents, so we need to think about new and/or better ways to do that.
One of the Alberta Principal Quality Standards is, “Understanding and Responding to the Larger Societal Context”. It would seem to me that the onus is on every principal in Alberta whether in a Public or Catholic school, to spend time considering the impact of GSAs in our schools. I have been following the debate since the beginning have been baffled by some of the dialogue (but usually monologue) that has been happening.
What do people think would be the outcome of a HS or middle school establishing a GSA? The only negative impact from that could be some constituents complaining? What else is there to fear? Really?
Are we afraid of students having a voice? Of them feeling supported? What?
I would really like someone to respond to this and inform me, so I can Understand the Larger Societal Context and respond appropriately.